NOTE: This page is a somewhat insight of my thoughts. Don't be surprised when they change.
I've been thinking lately: mainly about what will go in the future.

What will happen then? What will happen to the one of the now? What if I want to go back? What if I don't know how to proceed?

These thoughts usually go on in the background: silent, although sound. I ignore them, as for these are not for me, but for the one of the future: I'm unable to know what I will know then, so why doubt on the one before me?

You see, I have actually been thinking of ending thought at a certain age, as for my current thoughts, foolishly thinking that I'm going to follow this state of mind. The future is unclear, but the goal is still set internally: once the age comes, I will abandon thought: there was no reason for anything in the first place, so why stay over?

It all feels nonsensical: contradiction after contradiction, a never ending unsureness of the self. I know answers for my internal doubts, but, even when knowing their truth, they are rejected. Why is this? Mayhaps due to my current thoughts? Because of my state of mind? Or something without reason? It is silly. At some times, one may see oneself searching reason on something without: what is the reason of my existence? Why does this text exist?

Is this I being negative? Am I a negative person? Do I seek for positiveness? Why write something in the hopes of validation of the other? Does it even matter? And, then, after writing, I just go on as if this never happened. It did, but it did not feel like me. I have mentioned this feeling before somewhere — "[...] as foolish as it might sound, I have started to believe that I am not One, but many." I have adopted this mindset, but, is it true? Is there not an I, but an Us? As stated, it is foolish.

But— what if it is true? What if that is the Why? What if that is the solution? What if that is the reason thought inexistant? It is impossible to shake off; everything points to it, but it doesn't seem like it. Why would it even be that? It wouldn't make sense. It doesn't make sense.